“Life
is to be lived, not controlled.”
This
quote by Ralph Ellison is a very apt introduction to something that I
have been meaning to write about since I first started this blog back
in January.
Stoicism.
Or how to live a stoic life.
To me,
the word stoic always used to bring to mind the British “stiff upper lip”, the sort of resolve and stubbornness
that no doubt built the Empire and got us through the Blitz. In fact,
I have used the word myself often when trying to describe my late
mother-in-law who had that old fashioned "just get on with it" attitude. But in reality there is so much more to it than that.
Over the last couple of years I have become increasingly fascinated
in some of the very sensible and logical ideas that stoicism can
offer those interested enough to want to know more.
Take a
look at the definition of stoicism and you will be met with the
following;
“The
endurance of pain or hardship without the display of feelings and
without complaint.”
A straightforward description of something that probably many of us can
identify with. This was very much my mother-in-law. In years gone by many people going
through tough times would have considered this to be the only option
and would have chosen to just get on with their lives exactly as the
definition suggests.
However
there is also another definition of stoicism in Wikipedia:
“An
ancient Greek school of philosophy...taught that...the wise live in
harmony...with nature...and are indifferent to the vicissitudes of
fortune and to pleasure and pain.”
It is
aspects of this second definition, the philosophical way of looking
at and living your life rather than just getting
on with it, that has interested me. I am not going to share too much
of the detail here. Firstly, because I am no scholar and secondly,
because I know little more than a few simple Stoic sound bites. I
will however include some links at the end of this section should
anyone reading this want to explore and find out more. But for me
this is a philosophy that I have been able to dip into when the need
arises and I have found some genuine nuggets of wisdom that have
really connected with my thoughts and feelings. This is not a
lifestyle choice for me although it has been for many people over
many thousands of years. It is however interesting to note that many
believe that it is becoming even more relevant now at a time of rapid
change and uncertainty in the world.
Some
examples that I have been able to identify with include the connection between worry, control and happiness. Stoicism encourages
people not to worry about anything that they do not have the capability
to change or control. Not worrying about other people, about
disagreements, wars or even illness, is possible by focusing on what
you can control and discarding what you cannot. It also makes it
clear that happiness is always a choice. We can chose happiness
whenever we want to as long as we are able to control the way in
which we look at things.
It also
encourages people to look at themselves as a minuscule part of a
massive, complicated, wonderful world and to show gratitude for
simply being here. My understanding of the thinking here is that by
appreciating our lack of worth and value in the overall scheme of
things, rather than thinking our existence or anything we have is a
right, it will help us to find balance and gratitude for life itself.
If we are able to appreciate our very existence then things like
illness becomes insignificant to our peace of mind.
Very different to the way in which we are encouraged to think of ourselves these days.
Very different to the way in which we are encouraged to think of ourselves these days.
These are
very much my own interpretations of this complex and very
ancient philosophy, but it has helped me at times during the last
year or two. For example, understanding that chasing future happiness
is self defeating and that true happiness is possible by just
accepting what we have and where we are, sounds so simple that we
automatically think that it cannot be true. But an open mind and a
reason for wanting to try this out are often all that it takes to embrace something new.
As part
of coping with illness it has been useful. I have tried very hard at
times to work on accepting my own happiness and dismissing things
that I am unable to control with some success. It is however much
harder to accept that someone else's suffering is irrelevant in order to guarantee your own happiness. This does at
times feel almost like a betrayal and incredibly disloyal. I have
talked about stoicism with my wife a lot and whilst she has an open
mind I think she does see it slightly differently to me. But as I have suggested before, there is
a value to anything that offers a level of comfort and
has positive results.
Perhaps
the Elusive Sense of Happiness is not so difficult to find after all.
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