Please Do Not Confuse Your Google Search With My Medical Degree

I was reminded the other day of a situation that we encountered a couple of years ago. It's something that we get to laugh about now but it's probably fair to say it caused us many sleepless nights at the time.

Last week my wife received a text from a friend of hers. This is a relatively new friend and whilst illness did not play any part in them becoming friends, it has clearly been the topic of some discussion already. We were out walking when the text arrived and we continued to walk and chat about the situation as they communicated. It would appear that her friend had been worried about her health and had been to the hospital for some tests. The results were good however they did identify another issue that she was not previously aware of and the result of these additional tests was unfortunately not so good. Her friend was upset and she reached out to my wife for support and advice as the person that she thought might be best able to help. That was a big compliment to my wife and I told her that I think it is important for her to recognise this. They continued to exchange messages as we headed home, with me getting a running commentary on the texts and the information being shared.

It was some time into this text conversation that my wife shared the advice that stopped me in my tracks.

She wrote to her friend, “whatever you do, listen carefully to the doctors and do not under any circumstances spend too much time on Google trying to find out more information. I can assure you that this is not a good thing.”

It is at this point that I should explain the background. After her first diagnosis, my wife spent hours online every single day for what seemed like months, checking out every word written about the disease that she had been diagnosed with. This caused her a massive amount of anxiety and depression and despite being strongly warned by all of her medical advisers, family and friends, she was unable to stop. Anything positive that she discovered was rejected as being untrue. Anything negative, especially when it related to the seriousness of the disease, the likelihood of recurrence or the chances of survival, was seized upon and analysed endlessly. It also served to muddy the waters in the relationship with the doctors and consultants that were treating her as she struggled to believe what they were telling her.

This lasted for a long time before we somehow managed to get the situation under control. She did finally start to listen and, significantly, her mood and general sense of well-being improved almost overnight.

Sadly, the second diagnosis at the end of last year saw a knee-jerk reaction into exactly the same kind of behaviour. The best thing about our second experience however was that, whilst it was just as intense in many ways, it did end much sooner and the anxiety was managed with far fewer consequences for all involved.

So, it was therefore no great surprise that I laughed when she told me what she had advised her friend. I had some fun at her expense but did tell her that I was delighted that she really seemed to have accepted the dangers and was able to offer such sound advice.

“Well, of course I do” was her reply, “but I would do exactly the same again if I was diagnosed for a third time. I know it's stupid, but I just can't help myself and want to know everything that the doctors either don't know or won't tell me.”

I guess we are all good at giving out sensible advise and then completely ignoring it ourselves.

There is however a positive in there somewhere so it goes on to the list!

• avoiding medical web-sites and internet searches
• cute animal video clips
• talking with others (without self-pity or negativity)
• sunshine
• walking outdoors (fresh air and exercise in the country)
• road trips
• a good pub lunch
• laughing with friends and family